The storm…..

No, not yet.

I shall not reel under the pressure. The winds are cold, they bite into the very entrails……yet I hold on. The mast on my tiny ship seems to bend and stoop…..and I’m angry at it. There are others I have to feed, many who depend on the hope I nourish within. I have to stand tall and I have to stand erect. I have a ship to steer, a mast to hold on to in the storm, a sail to mend every time the storm ravages it.

No, I am not going back from here. To keep intact my sanity, I look up at the sky, then at the few smiling faces at the other end of the ship……….Oh, I’m stronger than them.

I swell with pride, I am their reason to smile.

As for me, I have to hold tight lest the storm gets the better of us. This storm outside is better than the one that rages inside……inside, yes, I dare not look there.

To admit, to confess, to go deep down into my tormented soul needs courage.

Because the concentric layers would unfold a tsunami……..impossible for any enormous and well managed ship to bear.

But here it is my ship I talk about, that has been tossed into the wild wild sea, where fathoms below lies a web of spirits, waiting to gobble us up the moment we sink a little.

Hence I write this while the harsh unruly breeze rummages through my rough hair.Just so that I know later when the storm has died that I had held on firmly, alone and strategically tough.

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Meteors…….

Yesterday was one of those days when this oft- quoted saying holds true to the core,”Opportunity knocks only once”. I got this call from a sought-after school for an interview…….all out of the blue.

Here I am, languishing in self-care post the accident that left me with many bones to join back. At the very first instinct, I shirk away from the call, but don’t resign from the idea either. When you are all in shape, nothing works out; when crestfallen and laid back, something great has an uncanny way of entering into your life. This does not happen everyday.

Now, I have to be there at precisely nine a.m. and I have this renovation thing going on at home. I cannot duck into a corner and say that I am not here!

Seemingly nonchalant, I stall the wood work for a day and decide to head on face the call. I reach the school premises and wow……I love the smell. As soon as I have reported there, I am called within for a discussion followed by a demonstration which goes off pretty well. I am told to wait outside while the seniors have a talk over the demo.

Again, I am ushered into the Principal’s chamber. A few more volley of questions which I answer with an unusual ease…….like I have nothing to lose. I express frank opinions about various things while trying not to read the expressions of the other office bearers in the room. The lady, the principal, is quite a pleasing person. Her grace reflects radiantly, (wish I could tell her that). She has donned a simple cotton saree bordered in dull gold. So I I look at her only while I speak. There are places where she deliberately contradicts me while I speak. But she goes on prying further into my reading interests…..and I love to talk about it. Once she is done, she thanks me and tells that they would correspond later.

 

Out in the corridor, I reach for my car keys. I take a deep breath and feel proud. No one here knows that my drive to the school has been something of a herculean task as driving is not as easy as before. More so, the teacher who took my demo class nor the children in the classroom were aware how I raised my hand to reach the board and explain things to them. I loved every bit of it.

 

My drive back home is enthused with myriad thoughts shooting at a metor’s pace. I am re-born today, because for once I haven’t seeked for sympathy and feel strangely cleansed of all the rage and despair. I look at fellow drivers and feel thankful, blessed that I am alive, that every day in my life counts, adds up to being what I am.

Here are some meteors that have been constantly hitting inside my mind……..

  • Great things have an uncanny way of entering into your life.
  • Let everyday be a preparation towards that one role you have always wished to play.
  • Take pride in your suffering.
  • Talk less about what you have been through, instead ask others about their trials.
  • Do not hesitate in speaking about your interests.
  • Do not duck into a corner and say,”I am not here.”
  • It is perfectly okay to not know facts or to stammer. You do not become a lesser person.
  • Keep doing your thing, (it is okay to be lazy sometimes) but do not stop doing what you love, a little bit of it everyday, at any cost.

Happy meteoring!!!!!!

All she seeks…..

Now she is astounded and perplexed beyond words. How can she smile in the face of all this? Her careless locks dance about near her eyes. She has lost her way, alone in a dark cave on a thunderous night, a drowning candle flickering by her side…..she smiles!!!!

 

“She knows what she is heading for,

That the thunder will cease to be,

She knows that the hills would stoop,

That the woods will sway their leaves….

To welcome her when she emerges

From her hiding….

And it is all she seeks…

 

She knows the thunder would lapse

Into a low rumble,

That, drenched as she is,

The winds would be as humble,

To welcome her from the abyss;

And this is just all

That she seeks……

 

So she smiles at the warm drops,

That her eyes begin to release…..

She has heard the breeze calling….

Her name; asking her to please,

Step out and tightly embrace

Every tree…..

That is all, she seeks…..

 

She knows what she is heading for,

The long road back home….

Is long and perilous,

So she plans to rest awhile…..

Till thunder has hit every blow;

Till she can cover every mile……”

Messiah…..

It is true that,

She is her own messiah….

That she has purged her own self,

Of plagues and despair

That threatend to take her breath away…..

 

It is true that,

She is her own divinity.

That she has uplifted her soul

When all belief and love

Was challenged and abused every day…..

 

It is true that

She is her own messiah,

And has taken the highest wave….

That most men were scared

To ride upon lest they should sway…..

 

It is true that

She is her own Sun,

Who has, with deliberate ease,

Hovered  through the darkest dungeon,

Dazzling it with a blinding ray…….

 

It is true that

She is her own reason,

To smile, love and be merry,

And has learnt it hard…..

That nothing can forever stay…..

 

 

He told her to fly…….

 

 

He has asked her to fly,

To scale heights, climb aloft……

The strings he once held

Are left loose for her to drop……

 

Her feet are frozen,

As if held in tethers.

They feel heavy;

She crawls……

wishing she had feathers.

 

Wild, wild dreams,

That plagued her heart

Where are they?

“For God’s sake,

Someone help me…..”

She cries out, like a prey.

 

Tears roll down,

Her face buried in dust……

She has to walk faster,

It will be now or never……

 

She thinks of her lovely cascade;

Her eyes so blue,

Dark, dark skin that gleams like diamonds,

And of what she could pursue…..

 

Here, in this clearing,

She is blessed to have been abandoned

Without camouflage……..

She can be herself,

Ugly, unattended, unflattered……..

 

She may run without grace,

And blurt out secrets;

Her bosom has wrapped…….

 

 

She may not wait for him,

With candles and curls,

And approvals or slimy words…..

 

This desert is her arena,

She will blossom without rain…..

She will leave behind grudges,

And all disdain…….

 

She need not worship any hero……

She has one within,

Just how far she can venture,

Is all she is wondering……..

From here……

From here, whence?

After all the waves have lashed

And crashed within…..

From here, whence?……..

 

The surreal highways,

Divine interventions…..

Unexpected doorways,

Songs and trepidations……

 

From here, whence?

When the storm that raged,

Loud and clear…..

Subsided in the shade.

 

Undaunted arms,

Flung open and wide…..

Hoping to embrace,

Every single tide……

 

From here, thence……..

Where yesteryear’s ash

Doesn’t threaten to set ablaze…..

And elements within,

Guard this maze…..

 

So, from here, thence,

Where I flower

My path with serenity

And I find my own divinity………